Why you feel like you can’t be yourself and 3 ways to find self-acceptance.
Finally coming to terms with who you are as a person is hard as shit. No matter who you are! It’s literally something everyone deals with in life. Some master it before others do, but the bottom line is, it’s difficult AF.
Especially with how much social media influences us nowadays. Most people only post to please and impress. “Look how much money I have, look at my amazing body that I achieved with my only pizza diet, guess what! I just got the latest Iphone. Work? What is work, I just sip on margaritas all day on my yacht”.
(Okay the margarita one is definitely a goal for me though haha.) There is nothing wrong with any of those posts either. I am not saying posting your positives is a bad thing.
The problem is believing that yours is not worth mentioning, since it may not fit social media standards.
Just because you’re constantly seeing the positives in other’s lives, it should not make you afraid to post a picture of your body, or your journey just because it is not the same as everyone else's.
Every story is beautiful, including yours.
Even before social media, society would paint a picture of how women are supposed to look, think, feel and act. Like in magazines! Only featuring women who were a certain size or look.
Be a version of Marilyn Monroe GIRL!! Defy the standards, love yourself and your story.
Alright, on a serious note, I was able to finally learn how to find self-acceptance because I realized 2 things holding me back from being myself and figured out 3 ways to fix it.
1. You do care what people think
I don’t know about you, but I currently could care less about what people think I should be like.
Why do you feel like you can’t be your authentic self? Now here is the hard pill to swallow: it’s because you care what people think.
If you are shaking your head in disbelief right now, then why do you still find yourself masking some of your quirks, birthmarks, laughs or snorts? (Where are my snorters at? Haha, let me know in the comments so we can encourage each other with our dorkiness). 😂
Cough Cough, because on some deeper level, you do care. Otherwise, you would not be toning down your energy to match someone else’s.
Have you ever toned down your energy, intelligence, emotions or even your own opinion to be on the same page as someone else?
I know I’M GUILTY. The earliest memory I have of this is in a business class I took at Valencia College, a few years back.
I was one of the few females in this class, I always sat by myself, and for some reason, I always felt like I shouldn’t be raising my hand to answer all the questions. All in fear of the other classmates hating me or thinking I was a teacher’s pet.
Then I asked myself “do I really want to dumb myself down to be liked or do I want to engage and learn?”
I snapped out of that REAL quick, well quick enough. I always answered the questions I could in class and did my very best on every test or project I was assigned.
I also never saw any of those people again, haha. That is the beauty of it.
If you are always your true self, quirks and all, then it doesn’t matter how you look, think or act because you are most likely never going to see those people again.
Whether that is your choice or theirs, it all works out in the end.
Same goes for little quirky things like the fact that I snort when I laugh! I used to be so embarrassed by it but now I own it and to be honest it usually just makes others laugh, nothing bad ever comes from it! At least, so far. (snort laugh)
2. You are afraid of confrontation.
No one wants to deal with people who judge or the negative Nancys of the world, ESPECIALLY YOU.
Maybe it was something you picked up when you were younger or you experienced it recently and are avoiding it from occurring again. Confrontation can be scary and uncomfortable.
People will come after others who are just being themselves. Take people who choose to open up about mental health for an example.
One of my biggest fears when it came to talking about things I have been through mentally was people confronting me on those feelings. Saying things like “get over it”, “quit being a baby”, “depression is not real”, and the worst one EVER, “ you are just seeking attention.” 😞
Literally would make my blood BOIL, but then I would just keep talking about my thoughts and talking and talking. Deleting people out of my life who didn’t understand and not being afraid of confrontation.
Eventually, you meet people who understand, support and even are going through some of the same things. Don’t let confrontation hold you back. If I had, I would have never started this blog!
Now that we know why you feel like you can’t be yourself, how the hell do we change that?!
Step 1. Figuring out what you value.
Is it family? Is it time? Is it education?
Figuring out what you value puts a reason behind the way you act, think and feel. If you recognize the reason, you no longer need to question your behaviors and beliefs. You are just being yourself.
The beauty of determining your own values is that it can be WHATEVER you want, literally anything.
Do you value time? Does that explain why you are scheduling everything and anything in a calendar (including things like sleeping, eating, or hanging out with friends? haha.) Okay cool! The next time you try to tone down your organization skills remember that it is something you value! So nothing to be ashamed of.
Maybe you value connections (me), and you are constantly posting on IG or love to talk a lot. When the thought of someone judging you for talking too much or posting too much crosses your mind, remember you do it because it is something that you value!
I value dogs! So I like to bark at people when they walk by. LMAO just kidding! If this is you, no judgement girl, do you. Are you starting to get the point?
Values can change over time and that’s okay, as long as you continuously understand the purpose behind your actions.
It makes you not care what others think because you know you are truly aligned with your values and no one can take that away from you.
Step 2. Let go of things you can’t control
… Like the opinions of others maybe?
In life, there is no way every person you encounter is going to like you. I used to think if I always said the right thing, made the right joke or agreed with people on various topics, that I would always be liked. That is no way to live life.
Hate to break it to you, but if you live your life based on other’s opinions of you, then you are not living your life, you are living theirs. 💥
Being yourself and accepting yourself for who you are will only bring people aligned with your goals, beliefs and values closer to you. Wouldn’t you rather be surrounded by people who want to be around you and understand you, than people who don’t?
Now, I'm not saying to cut out anyone who has different opinions than you or has different spiritual beliefs than you, just the people you feel like you can’t be your 100% self with. As long as they respect your values and you reciprocate the same respect to them. Trust me, you will know the difference, your intuition is strong.
Step 3. Don’t EVER let anyone downplay your emotions.
You feel a certain way for a reason and no one can take that from you. Especially when it comes to mental health. Yes, there is a lot of stigma around mental health and no one wants to talk about it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t real or what you are feeling is insignificant. If you are sad, you have the right to be sad.
You have the right to feel any emotion in your body. You also have the right to communicate that.
Letting out your emotions and analyzing what you are feeling and why, help you figure out your triggers and how to better avoid/ deal with them. Saying it out loud is a big relief, saying it to someone else is even better.
I’ve noticed when I bottle things in, like deciding not to tell my husband that it made me upset when he left his dirty clothes on the floor, next to the dirty basket, I tend to lash out on him for something irrelevant like forgetting to close a cabinet. Then he is all like “Woah where did that come from”, sorry hunny. 😜
Little things like that all begin to add up into what I like to call my “held back emotions tank,”, and when it overflows, it’s never pretty.
When my tank gets overloaded, all I can think about is a huge red alarm beeping DANGER DANGER. Kinda like at one of those biohazard sites when bad chemicals have been spilled or released. The kind that turns people into superheroes, or in this case a villain lol 😈.
Just remember you’re not a villain.
I know it is hard to open up about what you’re struggling with, in fear of what others might say or think of you, but you need to realize that your struggle is a big part of you and your story.
It even took me a while to open up to close loved ones about my dealings with anxiety and depression. Once you do, and you receive that support you were looking for, it is the best feeling in the world. It doesn’t happen that way every time of course. You will get people who judge you and maybe even criticize you.
It could even come from someone you care for so deeply, but the lesson in opening up to those who end up bashing your illness, is the ability to release them from your life.
Just make sure to declutter your inner circle of people who are not supportive of you during your times of clarity and during your times of depression.
You would be surprised to know how many people are going through something and how many people are willing to support you, while you go through yours. I am one of them!
Reach out to me, click on the green resources button on the top of my homepage and let’s find you someone together who can listen.
You are not alone. You are loved. You are enough. You are appreciated.
Most importantly, you are mentally capable.
Always rooting for you, Neyda. 💚